The Auto-bahn

I'm having my first painting show displayed to
the public starting Monday. The show is titled "The Auto-bahn"
with the subtitle "a dedication to my father."
I thought I'd say a little bit about it on here.

The car not only carries enormous
weight as a symbol of both joyous and turning-point
moments in my life as a child,
but also embodies it's own humanistic soul in society.
It has the capability to flee, scream, sleep, die, do damage.
I paint the car as I see the car in my memories -
soft, innocent, likable.
But these cars are not acting the way their
appearance would have you expect of them.
You can only speculate as to where they are going,
where they came from,
how long they will last,
their intent.
Like us, they have their own personality. We grow to
know them very well. Sometimes, they deceive us,
sometimes they chose to leave abruptly.
My father once put together a car with his brother
entirely from scraps
and he said there was nothing like hearing
the engine start. Bringing life to something
that was scraps of nothing before.

Whenever somebody tells me I am

something that I am not

or that I want something that

I do not

I shake and can't breathe correctly

like I'm hyperventilating

And I can only speculate as to why this is.

It was a room of Christopher Walkins

I went to my painting professor, Sharon Horvath's, opening
reception last night in Chelsea, with 4 other painters.
The gallery was huge, her pieces were monumental,
lots of other purchase professors were there,
and there was free wine.
Anywho, the place was packed and it was really
really interesting to see all these people and
imagine myself in Sharon's situation in a few years. (I hope)
So Julie Heffernan was there, look her up if you don't
know her paintings. I made eye contact with this guy
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001728/

lols. We were kind of hanging out with this
sketchy kid with a missing tooth who was like crazy
and then we ran into another gallery that was PACKED
and had a DJ and so many important looking
british-accent-speaking people.
This exhibit was paintings of Christopher Walkin.
It really BLEW. These paintings sucked.
But it was still a humorous experience,
then we went back to Purchase and I got home at 11:30.
It was a sweet night and I want to do this every week.

I wish I had known before

that you should never hold back asking people

questions that you want the answers to

because they can go away at any moment

and then you'll never, ever, know those answers.

I think that some people are probably

too afraid to ask me about my dad

like what it was like to see him die

and those 3 days leading up to it

because they think i don't want

to talk about it.

but I would like to talk about it.

because I don't want to keep it a secret,

and it's a story, part of my life,

a huge part of my life,

that I think I should share.

I don't think anybody, other than the

family that spent the days there,

knows exactly what it was like.

That's strange.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ9yUr41K7g&feature=related

This is a clip from when they played Brother Sport at Prospect Park and I was so. happy.

Some days are just so hard.

And I just can't stop crying.

I'd like to make this a blog about art again. But whenever I go to artists talks I kind of forget to post right after it and then I forget a lot of what I would've wanted to say.

I guess I'll talk about my own work.
For the first time since I've started my car paintings,
a professor (a new one, since my previous professor is on a leave of absence)
said to me that I should drop the palette knife and start
using a brush again
and she wasn't very enthusiastic about my paintings in general.
I was kind of shocked about that,
but I mean not every body is going to like where my work is going,
and I guess it's good that someone told me to switch directions.
I don't think I can drop the car altogether just yet;
if I do, I have a feeling I won't pick it up again,
and this was too short a series, I didn't explore it enough.
I've got to do a "mapping" piece for experimental,
I'm gonna start the painting today, it's a blue print of my house at home.

I can't really imagine myself doing anything in college other than art.
It just makes me ecstatic to be in a studio, to talk about painting
to my housemates and classmates.

I'm not thinking about it really at all, but I hope to anything
that I really make it as an artist, and I don't just drop this
as soon as I graduate and be a receptionist forever.

My Drawing Concepts teacher's work which I love:
http://www.pierogi2000.com/flatfile/finejane.html

abandonment has always been a theme in my life.