Monday, July 26, 2010

I start reading something like Faulkner and 2 pages in I need to write my own prose. I start, then once I put my pen down I'm done for. Can't start again. Well this is where maybe 10 minutes got me:

Many a boy has never fallen out of love with me.
Through the endless hallways of patterned carpetted walls and disorienting floors dotted with identical but entirely unsimilar (once inside) doors and seemingly insignificant numbers and knobs have I led them all. Some for months and years while some for the time one takes to rinse a Manhattan-sidewalk-bought cucumber. I luckily stopped buying those.
But my poor mother. Mother has only crawled through the disintegrating doorways, scraping her zebra-printed acrylic nails along cracked, single-coated plywood walls in Super 8 motels lining trucker-stopped highways in New Jersey and still, with only a mouthful of men. Most times that I did see her in her kitchen, she sat with no one but her cigarette and Jack Daniels. She trusted these boys to never break her collar bone or give her stitches in her palm. That is until so much Jack slipped through her teeth that she tripped over the dog's food bowl and forehead met counter corner faster than my narcoleptic sister's head hit the back of the seat rest during Titanic.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Philip Guston's Painting, Smoking, Eating

I stuff a dress, my Dublin flats and studded boots,
one or two integral shirts or vests,
new bathing suit,
phone charger, camera, computer, makeup,
maybe some tea if I'm running out wherever I'm going,
into my black backpack and head out in my car again.
Almost every two days or so.
And I'll stop eating breakfast now.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

it's 84 degrees in the kitchen and i can't bear to sleep in my attic room
i spent 4th of july weekend in jersey city and had a great time
then went on my mom's new boat on lake Hopatcong and that was nice
got way too sunburnt

need a job in westchester
if i sit down in a place for like 2 hours i start freaking out
and feel really unproductive
but as soon as i go drive somewhere to see people
i'm happy

i feel like i'm losing my mind
and like a drifter
having a room in ireland for a month was the most steady
i've been since the semester

we're writing some music and finally tracked a song
i like our space
it's just too hot out