I'm thinking about Animal Collective

and how shocked I am that they exist the way

they do, that they have cranked out so many records

since 2000 and they just keep getting more and more

new and unlike anything that has been produced before

them, and as a painter, I wonder how anyone can

come up with something so fresh that doesn't

seem to draw on almost any previously made art.

I just don't understand how they've come up

with the loops that they've come up with,

and the style of their vocals,

it's on a level that I can't even get my brain around.

I also think of the things that I feel are missing from my life,

and touring with a band, meeting other music makers,

and seeing tons of places around the country,

is what I need. I need that, it would make me so happy,

and being at Purchase would be the best place to start

touring and gaining a following.. but I can't write good music.

So painful.