Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Sunday september 6.
I get a call that my dad is in the hospital because he may have had a mini-stroke.
He is apparently doing okay and I will come visit him in the morning.
Monday september 7.
I visit him; we talk, my stepsister and her husband come, we joke around with him.
He has a bad headache and his vision isn't right, his eyes won't focus on a point,
he sees only "th oo" when he looks at "4th floor"
I tell him how our propane at school ran out and it's gonna cost a ton.
He gets wheeled out to do tests, comes back, says it was a stupid test.
I brought him pistaccios and a car magazine.
I hug him, he says love you and i say love you too. I leave.
Time goes by at Dan's, i was planning on going to a bbq. Then I said,
I'm gonna call Dad and see how he is. I call, no answer, left a voicemail.
Call back, it's my stepmom's sister-in-law "Jen should I explain to you what's going on or do you want Karen to?" I say "uhh, is there any news?"
"Your dad went into a second stroke, they need to administer medication,
there's a possibility of a hemorrage"
He's trashing his leg, eyes closed, moaning. Holds your hand, squeezes it too hard.
No movement on his right side. Sometimes makes eye contact.
Gets very agitated, sometimes yells nothing.
Tuesday september 8.
11 am i come in with dan. He managed to open his eye to look at me then grasped for my arm.
more thrashing, pushing hands away, pulling at his pajama pants. sighing, grunting, one cough.
Snoring. Karen asked him to smile, and he gave this tiny smile on his left side, and moved his hand as to say "here you go"
Karen my stepmom has been with him since it happened. Me Ashley and Mike are there most times, with lots of visitors peaking in.
He still looks like my dad. I've never looked at my dad nor touched him so much in my life. I went home and had clams at my house, my mom hugs me a lot. She wants to see him but can't.
I bring a beanie babie back to him, Valentino, I think he got it for me. It was from 1994.
I put it in his hand and he'd grab it and move it and reach for it again. I told him what it was.
At 11pm we leave.
I hope he can hear me. I hope he knows who is there by him.
I hope someday I can explain to him how we were there all the time and I cried for days like every one else and I lost my appetite and how I can't see anything but him.

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