September 11

I don't think I mentioned that yesterday was my mom's birthday. She told my dad that when she got to the hospital. She met him 31 years ago to the day, on her 17th birthday, and what she thought of him at the time was "what an ass"

Last night Dan slept over, it was the first night I really slept in a while, and I woke up in the night talking to him I said

"Can you hear me?"

"Yes"

"You can??"

"Of course"

So in my head I said 'but he was dead, how can he hear me? maybe he came back' and I scrambled to turn the light on then I realized it was Dan and I said I thought you were him. And I went back to sleep.

The only thing I can do to really reassure myself that he's gone is picture him how he was in that hospital bed when they said that was it.